Tagged: weird

Tops Never Stops (being really odd).

I just ran out to Tops to do a bit of shopping and it was very bizarre in there today, internet.

First of all, going to Tops always makes me feel like I’m cheating on Wegmans, because Wegmans is basically a cult. It’s a lot farther from my house than Tops, however, and there’s a gas station right in the parking lot, and on a day where I mostly want to curl up in my jammies and drink spiked hot chocolate all day instead of venturing outside, I feel like Tops is the perfect place to hit up for some low risk snacking.

As I told my dear roommate Varenka, Tops is where you go when you’re hungover and you don’t want to run into anyone you know while you’re sneaking in to buy Cheetos and Dr. Pepper in your unwashed fat pants, whereas people dress to impress to go to Wegmans (not true).

At any rate, the cashier was ringing up my very bizarre basket, which consisted of bean sprouts, frozen pierogies, and goat cheese, and I noticed that the woman behind me had not one, but nine three packs of chocolate pudding, off-brand cheesy puffs, and saline solution.

I’m not one to judge (lemon hummus and raspberry kefir), but doesn’t 27 packs of pudding seem like a lot? I’m a little inexperienced with pudding, but it seems like a lot to me. Is she feeding an entire soccer team? How many people are on a soccer team, again? 14? Or is that football?

I digress. She just had a lot of pudding. Although to be fair, the girl in front of me was only buying ramen packets, but it’s finals week, and you gotta do what you gotta do.

Another weirdness – there was a basket hanging from the number pole thing (you know, that thing with the lighty number doo-dah) labeled “My Pick of the Week” and apparently Sharon, who was my cashier, had picked cough drops for her pick of the week. Was she sick, or was she a cough drop enthusiast? I wanted to ask, but she was a rather glare-y high schooler, so I didn’t want to be attacked by her hormone fueled rage-angsting.

I just googled cashier pole to find a picture of what I'm talking about and...it was awful, internet. So you get this picture of my dog Dr. Pepper looking askance instead.

I just googled cashier pole to find a picture of what I’m talking about and…it was awful, internet. So you get this picture of my dog Dr. Pepper looking askance instead.

I just have so many questions, internet. Like why they always seem to have containers of cut-up strawberries mixed with blueberries in the produce section. Is there a trend I’m missing out on here?

 

 

Oh Canada.

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Ah Canada. I love you so.

If you missed it yesterday, I’m in Canada visiting my grandparents. I was in Canada earlier this summer and was inspired to write such classic posts as My Grandmother is a Pirate and The True Story of When I was a Hot Box Doll.

God, it’s just so weird hereI love it.

To clarify, I’m right across the border from Buffalo. This is a picture I took from the restaurant where I had lunch. It’s the skyline of Buffalo.

I antiqued all the pictures in this post to make them classier. Is it working?

I antiqued all the pictures in this post to make them classier. Is it working?

(I should also point out that the restaurant is a classic Canadian grill style restaurant called the Palmwood and advertising Mexican beer. Oh Canada.)

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It’s Friday the 13th here (and probably where you are), and my grandfather casually mentioned that we may see hordes of motorcyclists on their Friday the 13th pilgrimage to Port Dover, which is apparently a great Canadian tradition.

We did.

It was whatever.

Things started to pick up, however, when Mamma Mia and Gran and I took the grand dogs on a walk to town and saw this.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes.

YES. 

Sensing a hilarious image based blog in the making I – okay, fine.

We were walking back and my Mum and my Gran were having a hilariously in-depth discussion of the various front lawn statuary we saw as we past by and I was cheerfully obvious of a blog opportunity until I saw THIS GUY about a block away from Gran’s house:

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT

 

EXCUSE ME

EXCUSE ME

That’s when I realized:

CANADIANS LOVE FRONT LAWN DECORATION.

THEY

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LOVE

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STATUARY

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This magnificence is right next door to my grandparent’s house. I’ve titled it Bird Paradise. 

Now, I don’t know if it’s because of where I am in Canada, or because of whatnot and this-and-that, but I should note that all of these pictures were taken within a one-block radius. This was without trying that this happened. 

And my grandparents apparently aren’t immune, either.

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8 Epic song lyrics.

Jenna Marbles, Youtube celebrity of sorts,  put out this brilliant video explaining what some of her favorite rap artists have taught her this year. (I would consider the video to be NSFW and rated R for language, but it’s brilliant.)

Inspired by her, I wanted to do my own list of lyrics from some of my favorite songs that I found to be a little strange… but nevertheless awesome.

1. Wonderboy by Tenacious D.

How ’bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away…
with mind bullets! That’s telekinesis, Kyle.

2. Canada’s Really Big by The Arrogant Worms.

Our mountains 
Are very pointy 
Our prairies are not 

3. LDN by Lily Allen

A fella looking dapper, but he’s sitting with a slapper
Then I see it’s a pimp and his crack whore

4. Foundations by Kate Nash

Then I’ll use that voice what you find annoyin’
And say something like
“intelligent input darlin’ why don’t you just have another beer then?”

5. Pregnant Women are Smug by Garfunkel and Oates

I can’t wait to hear someone say
“Don’t care if it’s brain dead
Don’t care if it’s limbless
If it has a penis”

6. Dental Care by Owl City

Golf and alcohol don’t mix
And that’s why I don’t drink and drive

7. Little Miss Pipedream by The Wombats

I think the postman intercepts everything I’m trying to send to you
Cause he’s infatuated and he’s the fulcrum between us two
And I can’t say I blame him cause I’d cheat a priest just to get to you

 8. Sheep Go to Heaven by Cake
What are your favorite song lyrics, internet?

5 More Weird Visitor’s Centre Questions I’ve had to Answer.

I love my job. But man sometimes people ask the weirdest questions.

See the original post here.

 

1. Speaking of your town, where is it?

Ignoring the fact that you just asked me a bunch of detailed questions about the area and surrounding towns and managed to find our phone number all by yourself?

GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND.

2. How can I set up recycling pickup in [nearby town]?

I don’t live there. Ask someone else.

3. How long would it take me to walk to [a place that’s an hour and a half away by car]?

Um, how fast do you walk?

4. Where are all your fast food restaurants?

Stop yourself.

Incidentally, a few other people were milling about in the lobby, heard this question, asked me about restaurants, and specified that they didn’t want to eat fast food. 

You offend no only me, but everyone standing around, sir. 

5. How do I rent an apartment?

Ask your mother.