Grief is a weird thing. First of all, it’s a weird word. Grief. Grief grief grief. It sounds like a grunt noise, like something that would accidentally come out of your mouth if you hit the ground at a funny angle or something.
Secondly, it hits you at really bizarre times.
Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of the day my best friend Miks died. Which is horrifically morbid, but also something you don’t tend to forget. I’ll spare you all the gory details, except to say that she died of leukemia, and that her illness and her death were a defining point in my life that ultimately changed me forever. Probably for the better or whatever. Yet I digress.
My friend Kimchi and I had dinner (pork chops and quinoa) and drank Miks’ favorite booze (lambic) and it was all well and good and not even particularly sad. In fact, apart from a little sad tingle at seeing all the pictures of Miks floating around on Facebook, I actually managed to have a pretty good day yesterday.
That’s not to say that I’m not still grieving though. I still dream about her all the time. Constantly. Randomly, too. Like I’ll be at a dance in alternate China trying to stop a walrus from bathing in the punch (true story) and she’ll be there passing out cookies or dancing with a giraffe or singing in the background. Then I’ll wake up and experience that awful jolt of remembering she’s dead.
For the first year or so, I kept trying to call her. That was the worst, I think. I know I texted her at least twice about a month after she died. Or I’d find a song or a Youtube video I’d want to share with her and just about post it to her Facebook.
Birthdays are the worst. For obvious reasons.
Like I said, grief is weird and random, and it hits you hard when you you least expect it. Kind of like if a complete stranger hits you in the stomach when you’re walking down the street. It’s not really something you can control. You can’t decide when you get mad or offended or sick or sad, you can only manage how you deal with those feelings.
For right now, I guess pork chops and booze is a good way to go.
This is somewhat of a follow-up post to this post on procrastination, but also not.
Words are good today, people.
In the last few months, I’ve become somewhat of a time management expert.
Nearly every day, I work an 8 hour shift at work. Three days a week, I leave from that job to go to my other job and teach either a barre or a yoga class, which takes up about another hour and a half of my time. When I’m not doing that, I’m writing a blog post for this website, and when I’m not doing that, I’m practicing or performing music.
Oh, and I also have a life, and friends, and a boyfriend, and a family, and chores, and myself to look after.
Oh, and did I mention I’m going to be participating in NaNoWriMo this November? On top of moving back into Mamma Mia’s house to take care of my dogs for a month?
Oh, and picking up three more yoga classes a week, while I’m at it.
I guess you could say I’m a little busy.
How do I manage to get all of this accomplished without going crazy (okay, without going completely insane)?
Oh, a little effective time management.
I use my lunch breaks to either research stuff for blogs, write my blogs, or run errands. I write and practice music in the shower and in the car. I clean something in either the bathroom or the kitchen everyday, and I do my laundry at mi Madre’s house whenever she invites me to dinner.
I’ve learned over the past little while that it’s easy to want to push off hanging out with your friends and family because you feel too scattered brained and frantic to even imagine taking the time out to do it, and I’ve also learned that it’s important to prioritize those moments, because they make everything else worth it. No, I don’t see some of my friends as often as I’d like, but the purest friendships are sometimes the ones where you can pick back up wherever you left off.
Most importantly, I’ve learned that you need to devote your entire mind to whatever you’re doing. Don’t half-ass your job, or you’ll waste time redoing it. Don’t have your mind on other things when you’re out with your friends, because you rarely get to see them. And when you need a moment all to yourself, give yourself a full moment.
Lord knows you deserve it.