Tagged: skin

What happened to your face?

I’m in a ranty sort of mood tonight, internet.

The subject of today’s rant is contouring.

Have you heard of this crap? If you are a lady person under the age of 30, it’s quite probable you have. For others of you, possibly not. I’ll fill you in.

Contouring is basically like shading your face so it looks more 3-D. You put dark makeup on some bits and light makeup on other bits and apparently it’s supposed to make your face less fat. Because I guess now we need to be concerned about our faces looking fat. What next, our fingernails? 

Skipping over the complication of faces already being 3-D, I’m a little concerned about this contouring thing.


Let me walk you through the process.

First, you moisturize your face to keep your skin fresh and young and healthy. Then you prime your face with a primer, which is like another moisturizer but not, to make your skin smooth. Then you put skin-colored foundation on your face, because nobody wants to actually see your real skin. Put that shit away.

Then you highlight and darken certain areas of your face, as shown above. Then you blend it out so it looks “natural”, and then you powder it.

After all that, you can start putting your makeup on. The entire process only takes about the lifespan of a star to complete.

This does not make you look more beautiful. It makes you look Photoshopped.

What happened to fresh, clean, dewy skin? Why do we have to put on a clown mask just to go out nowadays?

Thoughts, internet?