I think my cat has freaking lost it. Like, really, really lost it. Like, he’s entered his happy place and his mental capacities have fluttered away lost it.
I caught him staring at the wall the other day. Not out the door or anything, he was literally sitting and staring at the wall. I went to my room for twenty minutes or so and came back downstairs and he was still there. I’m kicking myself for not having my phone on me to take a picture, but I swear on Matthew McConaughey’s rippling sixpack that it really happened.
Varenka has confirmed this suspicion that my cat has gone loco bananas. She came over on Tuesday evening after our studio’s crazy yoga dance party (which I’ll tell y’all about in more detail on Tuesday, but guys it was so amazing) for our pity party and we spent a solid five minutes watching my cat, who was draped across an armchair in the most uncomfortable looking position ever, lick the air. Not his nose, which dogs do with astonishing regularity. No. The air. Like a snake does.
I realize I casually skipped over the fact that Varenka and I planned and attended something called a pity party, which is our new term for making mojitos in our pajamas and watching Doctor Who and not discussing all of the distressing happenings in our lives. This is partially because I wanted to get the bit out about the cat first, and partially because I’ve been avoiding mentioning that I didnt get in to grad school this year.
And that’s all we shall say on that subject.
Anyways, so my cat has gone nutters and I’m pretty sure he dragged my precious baby boy down the rabbit hole with him because as I previously mentioned, Pepper PEED on me twice last week. He flipped over on his back for tummy rubs and peed right on my leg with the kind of accuracy that human males never achieve (if the average fraternity bathroom is anything to go by). I can only assume that the cat offered him his body weight in Beggin’ Strips for the dirty deed, because my smoodlywoodle wouldn’t do that to me unprovoked.
Patty Mayonnaise seems to be above picking sides at the moment, as always providing proof that girls of any species are smarter than boys.
Hey internet. I feel like a bag of gross today. I don’t really have anything captivating or poignant to say. I went out with one of my best friends for lunch (Barney Stinson) and we got subs from Wegmans (pro tip – if you ever have the opportunity to get a sub from Wegmans, do it) and I just looked at mine as if I could absorb it into my body simply with the power of my gaze. I ran into Captain Apollo while we were there and he suggested pasta and I thought I was going to keel over and die right there. Mi Madre has been feeling pretty ill as of late as well with some sort of stomach virus, so I think I have whatever she’s got.
So I’m going to tell you about 3 random apps I’ve been digging lately, because this is my blog and I do what I want, and then I’m going to watch Battlestar Galactica with my puppy.
1. If you have a Facebook account (and if you say you don’t you’re either lying or you’re a Cylon agent) check out Bitstrips. It’s this awesome new app that lets you design cartoon characters and make comics featuring your friends and the results are hilariously amazing.
2. Timehop is a free download that links to your Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etcetera and tells you what you were doing on the same day in past years. I am ADDICTED to Timehop. A year ago I posted this picture to Facebook (it’s from my thesis):
Two years ago I was on a plane headed to Puerto Rico.
Three years ago I was at the doctor’s.
Five years ago I was at a ski race.
3. If you have an iPhone and you don’t have emoji, I just can’t talk to you anymore. Varenka and I have entire conversations in emoticons. It is both impressive and a little sad, like a dog that manages to push all the Thanksgiving leftovers from the kitchen counter to the floor without breaking a dish. Yey, no broken shards of plate in my bare feet. Boo, no Thanksgiving sandwich.
Okay darlings. Imma go cuddle with Pepper now. Peace out.
I’ve talked about my least favorite animal in the house already, Marmaduke, but I haven’t told you you about the stars of the show yet. I have three pets total- Marmaduke, who I’ve talked about in great length, Patty Mayonnaise, and Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper’s name is technically Peppermint so together the two dogs are Peppermint Patty, but I categorically refuse to refer to them in that way. Honestly, I generally refer to them as “D’awwwwww” and “Who’s a good boy you areeeee”.
Patty is slightly older then Pepper- we got her about a year before we got him. She’s now almost three. They are technically half siblings from the same breed / family as our old dog Mackintosh.
They are Alaskan Goldens, which means they are bred as sled dogs and they are about mini horse sized. This does not make them as smart as mini horses. I think between the two of them, they could maybe figure out “sit”. On a good day.
Fun facts- Patty is terrified of heights. Peppermint is pretty convinced that the cat is a chew toy. They’re both pretty awesome pillows.