There’s a lot of shitty relationship advice on the web, internet.
Let’s add to the pool.
I asked some of my dude buddies and man-friends what their biggest relationship deal-breakers are. Let’s examine the results.
1. Lack of passion.
2. Low self-esteem.
3. Doesn’t read books for pleasure.
4. Passive aggressive.
A short disclaimer: I am not now and will never advocate changing your habits, lying, or settling for any person. Ever. Even if they are the most sparkly, stone-cold, drop dead gorgeous 107 vampire you’ve ever met. It’ll ultimately make both you and your partner miserable.
That being said, these are life traits and values that should be kept in consideration simply because they’ll make you a better, happier, more successful person.
Let’s talk about numbers 1 and 3. “Reading books for pleasure” is a bizarrely specific pet peeve, so I’ll extend it to include not having a hobby.
I sort of touched on this one in last week’s L.A.W. I deeply believe that everyone should have one facet of their life that gets them out of bed in the morning because they are so excited about being fantastic at that one thing. So yes, you need to be passionate. About something. It could be painting. It could be soccer. It could be accounting. Being passionate about something not only make you more vivid and interesting, but it makes you happier.
And no, being passionate about your boyfriend or picking up your boyfriend’s hobbies to make him happy does not count. You need to make it about you. Sorry.
As far as numbers 2 and 4 go, low – and passive aggressiveness are absolutely linked, because people with high – value themselves enough to realize that their opinions should be voiced and heard. People with low self-esteem often feel like they aren’t going to be listened to, so they get frustrated, and can’t communicate why they’re frustrated.
You know what hnwcassandra’s home-brewed cure for both of those things is?
Honesty. It’s that simple. You need to value yourself and your man enough to say “Hey I don’t feel great about my belly / thighs / boobs / face because I was raped / teased / beaten / stood up.” In return, it’s his job to realize that it’s not his job to fix you, just to hold your hand on the way back to a healthy self-worth.
Ultimately, that trust will enable you to say things like, “Hey, I get annoyed when you leave your dirty socks in the freezer”, instead of putting them into his coffee.