It’s been a weird day here at hnwcassandra. Actually, a weird few days.
I mentioned recently that I was in a bit of a yogic rut, and I’m still coming out of it.
My practice recently has been extremely inconsistent. I’m training to teach another form of exercise and I’ve been busy with life and actually trying to have a full day off once a month or so (LOL NOPE), so when I do have a minute or two, the studio is the last place I want to be.
Yet I digress.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently about workout guilt and whether or not it’s a good thing. If you ever go on to Pinterest (where you should follow me! hnwcassandra!), you’ll start to notice about a kazillionity pins related to working out, to getting skinny, and to being healthier.
A lot of those pins are quotes that run somewhat along the lines of IF YOU DON’T EXERCISE RIGHT NOW YOU ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON AND YOU WILL GET FAT AND DIE.
This is a terrible lie.
I’m not saying that people don’t make awful excuses to not go to the gym. I make awful excuses all the time. I made three today, including I just ate a whole bowl of Rice Krispies and I don’t want to brush my hair.
However, villainizing (spell-check tells me that’s not a word, but I’m going to run with it) ourselves for not going to the gym isn’t going to get us off the couch. It’s just going to make us feel shittier about ourselves for not going. Rewarding ourselves for going doesn’t work either. We aren’t dogs. We don’t need a treat every time we do something good.
The self-sustaining desire to go the gym comes from within. It’s a mindset. It’s a habit. It’s a way of life that doesn’t need punishment or reward. It just is. Changing your existing mindset to a gym-goer’s mindset is hard and terrible and seems impossible, but it’s not.
But anyways. It’s late and I’m tired and work comes early, so let’s table this until next Tuesday.
Ugh, internet. I feel like death today. I feel like sick on a stick. I feel like someone replaced my innards with a small, moving replica of the Macy’s day parade. There is a tiny mosh pit happening in my head. I have opened and closed my refrigerator at least ten times today without eating anything.
It’s one of those days where the mere thought of being productive in any capacity is making me want to do a literal full blown temper tantrum, complete with screaming and stomping and throwing things, but I am above such things (also that much movement right now might actually kill me). As such, I so did not want to write this blog today, internet. I’m legitimately sitting here writing this and pouting like a petulant child because my life is so hard. However, I shall persevere, because there is a tiny little voice in my head among the angry white noise screaming SUCK IT UP LOSER.
It’s so funny how sometimes I rebel against myself being productive like that, even though I know the pay off will be worth it. Even though I know that whatever I have to do will take less than half an hour and I’m not really doing anything anyways and I’ll feel so much better just getting it over with. I think a lot of people can sympathize with that feeling. That’s why Netflix is still a thing, right? So college kids can watch just one more episode of 30 Rock before they start that paper?
I can absolutely feel the pull of Pinterest at the corner of my mind right now, but dammit, I’m not giving in.
The thing is, I started this blog thinking I would fail. I actually assumed that I wouldn’t make it a full week and I decided not to tell any of my friends and family for a few days in case I didn’t pull through, but here I am, two weeks in, still going strong with a full cache of drafts and scheduled posts. And I feel so much better about myself then when I started this craziness. I feel so much less like a lazy schmuck, living in my parent’s house, working part time jobs, and whats changed? Nothing, apart from the fact that I’m writing everyday and keeping a promise I made to myself two weeks ago.
I guess the moral of the story here is that I knew this day would come – the I-would-rather-gouge-my-eyes-out-then-write-a-post day and I’ve survived it. I wrote despite having a backup post prepared in case of emergency. I wrote despite the fact that I am in bed possibly dying (WebMD says it’s probably brain cancer), and I’ve only checked Facebook once (okay, three times, but I had a notification). And now that I’m nearing the end of this post, I feel pretty damn good, because for the first time in a long time, I’m sticking to a routine, even though I wasn’t feeling it today.
Moral of the story? SUCK IT UP AND GET MOVING, INTERNET.