I have never once claimed to have gotten my job using any sort of skill, talent, or ingenious tactic. Or particularly trying at all, really. In fact, I bungled my job interview so badly that it’s incredible I got any sort of job at the company I’m in, and to this day I feel like I owe some sort of apology to the peers of mine that did the hard time and logged the hours calling, filling out useless papers, and interviewing at hundreds of companies to land the positions they have.
However, although the job that I got landed in my lap almost by accident, I’m finally starting to feel like I’m earning the right to have it.
Let me briefly explain:
I got degrees in Art and English (with a completely useless and frankly GPA-killing French minor, just for fun-zies). After aimlessly wandering around for a year applying and being rejected from multiple graduate programs, I applied for a Marketing position a yoga clint of mine suggested I try out for.
I then told my interviewer I’d rather go to grad school than take the job.
(STUPID. STUPID DUMB PAST ME.)
Miraculously (likely charmed by my naïve nature and Golden Retriever like optimism), they hired me for a part-time position working the front desk. After a while the overworked social team gave me an endless barrage of kinda-sorta-cheating marketing-ish work to do until the position I’d applied for opened back up and they promoted me into the marketing gig. Almost exactly 9 months after I blundered my way through the original interview, incidentally.
Yes, I was incredibly lucky – because frankly, if they’d had better interviewees, there’s no way in heck I’ve have landed any job. I’d probably still be stuck in Job Hell with the rest of my Millennial buddies (hang in there, Millennial Buddies).
To be completely honest, when I was promoted to Marketing Coordinator, I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I felt like I hadn’t earned it, and that I wasn’t qualified, and that I wasn’t capable enough.
Yet in spite of my skepticism towards my own capability, I’ve noticed that my friends are become nurses and technicians and teachers with the same sense of doubt in themselves. All of them, no matter how proud they are of their jobs or how “important” their positions are, are becoming specialists in subjects I will never fully engage with, and they are doing it well, and they can’t see for themselves that they’re doing well.
I can’t catalogue a library full of books or prepare a meal for a hundred people in one night. I can’t even cook a meal for myself half the time, so I’m enamored and jealous of those of my friends who can. However, they see the next person on the ladder ahead of them, who is competing at a whole different level. They can’t step outside of themselves enough to see how well they’re actually doing.
It took me a painfully long time to realize the same rules apply to me as well. I’m becoming a specialist. Maybe I’m not a professional magician or a police officer, but I’m becoming adept at writing press releases and putting together itineraries and explaining what a URL bar is to old people over the phone (hint – it’s NOT the Google search bar). Maybe I can’t put together a Google AdWords Campaign with my eyes closed like my supervisor can, but I know what it means and what the components are, and within the year I’ll likely be putting them together myself, moaning about the fact that I can’t yet competently do the next biggest thing on the list
What does it mean to be worthy of a job? Does it mean having all the requirements on the checklist and working overtime and never screwing up? It might. But I’m realizing it’s just as important to be willing to learn, to know your strengths, and to always want to improve. To become a specialist in a field that matters to you, or at the very least, matters to somebody, even if you’re not aware that you’re gaining skills inch by painful inch. To push past that crippling sense of doubt and fear that says you’re not doing good enough.
Did I work hard to get this job? Maybe not, but I’m working hard to keep it, and most importantly, to deserve it. And hey, I think I’m maybe even doing a decent job.
Hey internet. Sorry if the last few posts have been a little… bizarre. Life’s been hectic recently.
Actually, on that note, a brief, real-life-real-time update. As of Thursday, I am no longer living in my parent’s house! Varenka and I have our own adorable (okay, adorable is a strong word) apartment centrally located in Where-I-Live, USA, about 6 blocks and a neighbourhood away from mes parents. Moving is apparently terrible. More on that soon.
Second update, the same week that I moved into the new digs, I got a new job! (promotion? Semi-promotion?) at the Visitor’s Centre! I’ll be doing some very cool social marketing, public relations and website-based copy writing stuff, which is as swanky-sounding as it is super exciting. However, I’m now essentially working full time there, which means that with my yoga job on top of that, I’ll probably be pushing 50-55 hours a week working my two favorite things.
Somebody pinch me.
Anywho, what with the move, the new job, and the fact that I don’t have internet yet in the new apartment (Gallifrey), the blog postings for the next week or so may continue to be… odd.
I guess we’ll see what happens.
So I was at work today, internet, as happens, and my boss asked me to clean a lobby area which apparently suffers from a chronic spider infestation problem, and as I was sucking the last of the baby spider nests into the sturdy little Shopvac I was given, I was feeling like a boss and idly wondered if I should put Spider Killer on my resume or at least my business card.
Then I realized I totally never put up a resumé to go along with the cover letters I wrote a while back, which is obviously why I was never contacted for a job.
If you’re wondering, all of the following things on this resumé are FACTUAL THINGS and if you want to give me a job (obviously) you can email me!
Cassandra. (I only have one name. Like Beyoncé. Or Cher.)
Facebook Page. Obviously.
-Spider Killer Supreme.
-Can tell a hare from a rabbit.
-Can grill an Awesome burger.
-Can properly index, cite, and footnote in a variety of conventions.
-Weirdly good at catching footballs.
-Have excellent phone voice.
-Could probably run a mile.
-Can read a map upside down.
-Once invented an entire complex language with it’s own grammar.
-Marc Summers tweeted at me once.
-Have been in a mosh pit.
-Once drove for four hours without stopping to pee.
-Have petted a baby hippo.
-Have willfully eaten goose feet on several occasions.
-Have filed several police reports.
-Know at least 3 digits of pi.