Varenka moved in today with me and my parents. She’s staying for the next few weeks until we move into our apartment. I’m literally texting her as she’s upstairs in the same house about how much I don’t want to write this blog post right now and she’s offering me excellent moral support.
In her honor, I’m writing a sequel to this post about Things That Aren’t Things That Should Be Things.
Mostly because I’m too lazy to write the awesome story I was going to write about.
1. Lazy Injuries:
I feel like everyone has experienced a lazy injury.
Either that, or I just need to believe that everyone has experienced a lazy injury for my own sake.
A lazy injury occurs when you injure yourself in a pathetic or athletically disinclined manner. Examples include falling off the couch and bruising your arm, stubbing your toe while sitting at your desk, any type of stapler induced wound, or any injury received while asleep.
Varenka and I both experienced a short bout of retropissiness the other day for completely unrelated reasons. She was annoyed with her boyfriend Rory, and I was annoyed at my past self.
Retropissiness occurs when you are in an annoying situation and you aren’t upset at the time, but upon later reflection, you find that you are, in fact, pissed off about the affair.
Situations include your significant other doing something stupid or annoying, your past self doing something regrettable, and your parents punishing you for something random. Being retropissed usually occurs as a direct result of reflection, especially after having uncovered new information regarding the prior situation.
Varenka came up with the concept of octopus as a consequence of relying slightly too heavily on emoji as a communication device. The octopus emoji (octomoji) became a symbol of not wanting to interact with the world. This ties in neatly with the idea of interaction inability, which is another thing that’s not a thing that should be a thing that I discussed here.
Hey internet. I feel like a bag of gross today. I don’t really have anything captivating or poignant to say. I went out with one of my best friends for lunch (Barney Stinson) and we got subs from Wegmans (pro tip – if you ever have the opportunity to get a sub from Wegmans, do it) and I just looked at mine as if I could absorb it into my body simply with the power of my gaze. I ran into Captain Apollo while we were there and he suggested pasta and I thought I was going to keel over and die right there. Mi Madre has been feeling pretty ill as of late as well with some sort of stomach virus, so I think I have whatever she’s got.
So I’m going to tell you about 3 random apps I’ve been digging lately, because this is my blog and I do what I want, and then I’m going to watch Battlestar Galactica with my puppy.
1. If you have a Facebook account (and if you say you don’t you’re either lying or you’re a Cylon agent) check out Bitstrips. It’s this awesome new app that lets you design cartoon characters and make comics featuring your friends and the results are hilariously amazing.
2. Timehop is a free download that links to your Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etcetera and tells you what you were doing on the same day in past years. I am ADDICTED to Timehop. A year ago I posted this picture to Facebook (it’s from my thesis):
Two years ago I was on a plane headed to Puerto Rico.
Three years ago I was at the doctor’s.
Five years ago I was at a ski race.
3. If you have an iPhone and you don’t have emoji, I just can’t talk to you anymore. Varenka and I have entire conversations in emoticons. It is both impressive and a little sad, like a dog that manages to push all the Thanksgiving leftovers from the kitchen counter to the floor without breaking a dish. Yey, no broken shards of plate in my bare feet. Boo, no Thanksgiving sandwich.
Okay darlings. Imma go cuddle with Pepper now. Peace out.