Tagged: create

I’m afraid to fly.

Let’s talk about failure.

I used to be pretty sure that I thought about failure probably more than any sane person ever thinks about failure, but one of the youtube vloggers I watch regularly, Charlie Mcdonnell, made this amazing vlog about his fear of creation, and other youtubers made video responses talking about how they were scared, too. This is one of the reasons I love the internet so much- sometimes you can put something out there and people will have an amazing, supportive, kind response to it that spreads like wildfire.

I’m scared too, Charlie.

Recently I’ve been battling with this little voice inside my head (not that kind of little voice, people, calm down) that’s been telling me that I shouldn’t bother with anything because as much as I may aspire to greatness, I will never be anything more than mediocre. That somehow, because I haven’t already won the lottery or become a supermodel or started a business or gotten a stable, well paying job or even been able to move into an apartment and pay for it all by myself that I never will. That I really shouldn’t even bother, and that, even worse, the goals I have  accomplished mean nothing because they aren’t good enough. 

Because of this conviction, I shrink away from praise. I haven’t told anyone I know about this blog yet. I’ve been singing and playing the ukulele for 5 years and none of my friends in my hometown knew until this year. I sang in a show once and told my ex-boyfriend he wasn’t allowed to come watch. I refused to go to my own graduation ceremony at college. 

I’ve been letting my own fear of failure keep me from applying to jobs I’m interested in, from exercising, even from committing to playing music in a show because I’m convinced somehow that I will not measure up to the bar that I haven’t even set. Damn that’s low.

Well, internet, if you’re listening, today’s the day to go out into the world and say fuck that noise. I’m awesome, and you better watch me shine. I found an amazing quote on Pinterest (yeahhhh, I know) that sums it up nicely:

The time will pass anyways. Do something with it.