1. Know your hiding spots to get away from annoying relatives when necessary.
2. Rest when you can.
3. Plaster a huge grin on your face for anyone you see. Or just be really, really happy to see them.
4. Don’t be afraid to make fresh tracks.
5. But be ready to follow the leader when you need to.
6. Examine your surroundings.
8. And run.
9. And run.
10 Make snow angels.
12. And do what you have to do to get the best treats.
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the alley,
Cassandra was losing- by quite a huge tally.
Her cousins and Madre and Granny to boot
Decided her gutter streak was quite the hoot.
The lanes were all full of young kids using bumpers
But they all bowled better – jeez, what high numbers!
Yet Cassandra had hopes for the rest of the eve-
For her pie-making prowess had yet to be seen.
So Cass and Cuz One peeled, sliced, and prepared;
Not an apple or cranberry was sugar-spared
And Cuz Two in the bath, with shampoo in her hair,
Yelled to keep the door closed, for her bottom was bare.
The aunt and the uncle amused Gramps and Gran,
While Cuz One sliced and diced all the pecans.
With the dogs full of treats and Cass full of beer,
We were all cheered that Dad would soon be here.
Merry Christmas, y’all.
You want to know what is my least favorite thing about the holidays besides the constant droning background noise of Christmas music, the incessant give-me-money charity emails, and the pressure to spend money?
I hate wrapping presents. Mostly because I am terrible wrapper.
Here is the gem that I gave Captain Apollo for his birthday. I didn’t have wrapping paper because I had just finished wrapping a present for my roommate Varenka, which turned out like this:
I gave you a few different angles so you could truly appreciate how beautiful this package is. I seriously do not know how this happened, but I only had the end of the wrapping paper left, so that’s what she got.
I don’t know, internet. It always starts out okay, but then the paper gets all poufy and bend and I panic and just tape everything down.
At least you can’t tell when they’re under the tree.
Hey internet. I am curled up in front of a Christmas fire with a Chrismassy cup of tea and I am fat on crab legs and riesling. So no offense, but I don’t particularly want to talk to you right now.
There are exactly seven days left until I am finished with my one-year of daily blogging adventure.
Let’s revisit some fan favorites, hmm?
Anddd it looks like Watching Porn In A Library wins by a landslide, you dirty, dirty pervs.
DIY presents people actually want. They do exist Like this badass personalized WoW themed coffee mug I made for a friend. Instructions here.
I hate Christmas.
Okay, that’s not true.
I hate Christmas marketing.
As far as I’m concerned, Christmas music is only acceptable when my Papear plays it during the week I’m off at Christmas, and even then, that Frosty the Snowman song can die in a corner.
One of my work offices has been decorated for Christmas for the past three weeks. It has been… frankly, a bit much.
Christmas has been Valentine-nized, as far as I’m concerned. The point of Christmas is to get together with people you enjoy and appreciate, drink eggnog by the fire, and get warm fuzzy feelings of love from multiple people all at once.
It is not to listen to hokey music and kill trees and look at cartoon images of Santa on everything.
Our downtown put up a bunch of those huge, tacky beyond reason plastic blowups today, and it was almost the last straw. Luckily, I had hot chocolate and a muffin, so I was preoccupied with other, better concerns.
Honestly, I think I’d like Santa a lot more if he didn’t hang around for 2 months.
At any rate, if you are as Grinchy as I am around this time of year, here are some things I’ve found helpful as far as keeping my blood pressure down for the past few weeks:
1. Realize that other people are getting enjoyment out of the hokeyness, even if you are not.
2. Find a small, non-Jewish child and have an enlightening conversation about Santa. Or, failing that, read this.
3. Spike your eggnog. Heavily.