So I went camping, internet.
Well, camping is a generous word.
Basically I went to a party at a friend’s house in the woods and spent the night in a tent. It was a good time. Captain Apollo and I played some music with a few other awesome bands and we ate chicken and drank beer and there was a Portopotty so I didn’t even have to pee in the woods (THANK GOODNESS).
Also somebody brought a ridiculous amount of glow-sticks and we threw them up into the trees and it looked like THIS and it was AWESOME.
However, there were some not-so-great elements to this situation. Let’s explore.
1. Putting up a tent.
Yes. Do let’s untangle a massive canvas thing and try to thread some writhing bendy poles through some hilariously unlabeled loopy canvas slots, only to realize that you put it through the wrong one and backwards and upside down.
There is nothing on this green earth that can make a person feel stupid quicker than trying to put up a freakin’ tent.
Except putting up two tents.
2. Sleeping on the ground.
I am young and spry. However, I must admit I am a total diva when it comes to sleeping. I’m one of those people that can only sleep with the blinds closed in pitch darkness in the perfect temperature with the closets closed on a feather soft mattress wrapped in 9000 thread count sheets after being gently serenaded to sleep by Marvin Gaye. Sleep on the cold hard ground was challenging at best, and the next morning my body felt like I’d gone a few rounds in the ring with an ADHD kangaroo wielding a tiny plastic sledgehammer.
3. Loud animals.
even more annoying, because apparently I’m the Princess and the Pea.
If you’ve never heard a bevy of cows in the middle of the night before, you may be surprised to learn that they don’t make that adorable moo sound we all learned in kindergarten.
No, cows make a sound that makes me envision a terrified yak with laryngitis who’s in the middle of giving birth, and as a general rule, the more tired you are, the louder the cows get. Mix in a few angry bullfrogs and that one overachieving bird and you’re got a goddamn headache inducting symphony of annoyance.
4. Hand sanitizer.
I love washing my hands. It’s gotten to the point where it’s a little obsessive. I wash my hands between 20 and 30 times a day.
When you are camping, however, there is nowhere to wash your hands. And it’s TERRIBLE.
“Just use hand sanitizer, you weirdo,” you are probably thinking.
Hand sanitizer doesn’t actually remove the dirt from your hands, Judgy McJudgerson. And then you get that weird, sticky, smelly buildup all over yourself. EWW.
Am I right? Am I wrong? What’s your least favorite camping related annoyance, internet?