True Life – I was a Stage Five Clinger, part 1.


I just looked at my site analytics and guess what my most popular posts are, internet? True stories about terrible, relationship related trauma.

Apparently you guys are jerks.

Anyways, I figured I’d regale you all with a tale of a young, naïve, sophomore year of high school Cassandra. Because if there is anything better than terrible stories about dating mishaps, it’s dating mishaps in high school. 

This is also the first true story I’ve told where there is any chance that the person involved could possibly read it. So if you find this, and you know who you are, you’ll know why I have to refer to you in this post as Cupcake.

I’m so sorry, Cupcake.

I should preface this tale by telling y’all that in high school, I had a very shady concept of how relationships worked. At the time of this tale, I had:

Gone on three dates with two different people, all terrible movies (Pirates of the Caribbean, Master of Disguise, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy), and my mom came and sat in the row behind us.

Had a whirlwind month-long pseudo-relationship.

Experienced the worst kiss of my life.

However, all around me, my friends were dating people. Like, for real dating. Like, my best friend Miks totally held hands with a guy in the hallway walking to class dating. My other best friend slash mortal enemy Boomer totally made out with someone on the robotics team who had a CAR and gave her flowers for Valentine’s day DATING.

Meanwhile, I looked like this.

hnwcassandra HAIR

Ohhhh yeah. That’s some hair.

So clearly my milkshake was bringing zero boys to my yard.

I met Cupcake through mutual friends. He was a year older than me, a foot taller, and he no longer had braces. I immediately developed a HUGE crush on him.

To this day, thinking back, I still can’t put my finger on what it was that attracted me to Cupcake, as he in no way, shape, or form resembled anyone else I’ve ever have a crush on.

I think it was just that he was so freakin’ nice. Here I was, just some dorky loser sophomore, and a junior was being nice to me.

Kryptonite.

to be continued…

One comment

  1. Pingback: True Life – I was a Stage Five Clinger, part 2. | her name was cassandra

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s