In no particular order.
1. “Can you tell me how big your black fly population is going to be in mid-July?”
This was a call-in from a woman who couldn’t decide what weekend she wanted to come camping. Unfortunately, I hadn’t yet conferred with the black fly government about what their plans were for repopulation.
2. “Would you happen to know of any abandoned buildings with a healthy population of dandelions in the foreground around here?”
“Sir, dandelions are wild. I cannot confirm a ‘healthy population’ of them anywhere.”
3. “What’s the street address for that waterfall? I’d like to plug it into my GPS.”
Waterfalls don’t get mail. They can’t pay taxes. They do not have street addresses.
4. “Are there any Amish communities we could tour nearby?”
They aren’t zoo animals. Leave the Amish alone.
5.”Have you ever eaten at the [local soup kitchen]? I’m going there for dinner tonight, care to join me?”
And points to the least impressive first date goes to… oh wait, no, we already covered that.