An Open Letter to Everybody.


Dear Sir or Madam or Questioning or Undefined By the Parameters of Society, Man

This letter is for you.

It’s also not for you. It’s for your weird cat lady neighbour and your cousin who plays pee-wee softball and the weird guy who lives in the alley behind your office.

Presumably, if you are reading this, you have eyes and fingers and internet access and a decent grasp of the English language, which is pretty good on your part. Congratulations. Your life doesn’t suck as much as it could.

I’m writing this because there seems to be an absurd amount of open letters going around recently. It’s like a plague.

Conceptually, the open letter is what it is. It serves a purpose. It’s a decent outlet for expressing opinions of one sort or another. Some of them have seen a considerable amount of success at rallying people for a cause for at least a small period of time – say, from finishing reading the open letter to getting up to open the door for the pizza guy.

However, this shit’s getting out of hand.

This so called open letters are getting wayyy too specific.

Look at this.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE DUDE-BROS WHO YELLED “U.S.A! U.S.A.!” AT A LYNYRD SKYNYRD CONCERT.

And this.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE LOOK THAT SLOWLY FORMS ON YOUR FACE WHEN I TELL YOU I AM A LIBRARIAN.

And this one.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE GENTLEMAN BLOW-DRYING HIS BALLS IN THE GYM LOCKER ROOM.

Look at this. Three open letters, and they are addressed to 4 or 5 people and an abstract concept. For shame.

So this one’s for you, you. This one’s for those many, many thousands of people who have never fallen under an open letter category, from me, the random whoever-I-am on the internet. Tell your sisters and your brothers that you’ve been addressed in a letter from the magical internet and have been called to action to keep being a good person.

And if you’re not a good person, then stop what you’re doing and re-evaluate yourself, fool.

Let this open letter inspire you to, at least for the next five minutes, be a productive member of society. Go ahead. Do a kind act for somebody. Learn an interesting fact and tell somebody about it. Like a Youtube video.

At least go shower, if it’s been a while since you’ve done that.

…or not.

YOLO.

Sincerely,

Cassandra.

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