Well folks, here it is.
The day I never thought would come (well, that’s clearly hyperbole, but you get the point. At any rate I didn’t think it would get here as fast as it did.).
It is the eve of my One Year Out of College Anniversary.
On May 20th, 2012, I graduated as a double major in Art and English with a French minor, with honors. I’m going to go ahead and brush my shoulders off.
Fun fact about me – I didn’t bother going to my graduation ceremony. Mamma Mia and I went to the beach and drank warm Corona instead. It turned out to be an awesome idea, because the day ended up being about 80 some degrees and the ceremony was held outside. No thanks. I gotta work on my tan.
Nevertheless, the graduating thing did happen, and I packed up and left my cozy little apartment and my ex-boyfriend Dali and my lazy life in a college town and moved back home.
Looking back, I’m immediately startled at how far I’ve come since then (as I should be). When I left college, I was a burnt-out emotional wreak. I was in a low point. I left my freedom and my friends and my carefree attitude behind and came home to live with my parents after failing to get into grad school (attempt#1) and trying and failing to justify staying in the city where I lived. I had a job at the yoga studio and with my catering company, but I was intellectually and creatively and emotionally unsatisfied.
I felt, quite honestly, like a useless sack of shit, and I resented the intervention of my family and friends in even the smallest ways, from asking if I was going out that night to asking me to pass the salt. I was deeply, deeply depressed for almost 4 months. I hated or was indifferent to my surroundings. I kept butting heads with my parents about everything.
Things started to look up in October when I went to yoga training. I started getting really involved with my teaching. I generated a bit of a following at my studio. I started writing a whole lot, under the generous tutelage of A, applied for grad school (attempt #2), and started practicing music and playing live shows with Captain Apollo.
In December, I started this blog, and I’ve written about how this blog has changed my life, internet, and I firmly believe that it has. I’ve never felt so organized and productive and worthwhile in my entire life, and I know a big part of that is trying to find time to write everyday. I celebrated Post 100 two months ago and I’m rapidly approaching 150. Whether or not the quality of the content has improved is up for debate, but you can’t say I haven’t been prolific.
I’ve recently started a new job at the local visitor’s center I’ve been loving. I played a successful gig last Sunday and I can now proudly say I can sing live without feeling like I want to vomit. All in all, things are going well.
I guess, to sum, life goes on after college, and in fact, gets much, much better. If I saw myself from a year ago, I don’t think I recognize me. I’m not a wilting flower anymore. I have thoughts and ideas and opinions and I can and will assert myself, even against my parents, which I NEVER did in high school. I’m discovering assets of my personality that I never would have figured out in college.
Leaving college is scary and traumatic and awful. You want to cling to theme parties and having a flexible schedule and some semblance of “freedom”, and looking into the future last year, I didn’t see any of that being possible to keep. However, here’s a sappy takeaway – life makes things out of what you put into it. It’s like a mixer. If you don’t put in the ingredients, you won’t get any cookies, no matter how high the blade setting is.