3 Craigslist ads I would reply to if I was a psychopath.


Guess what internet. It’s the long anticipated sequel to Psychopath Saturday. The first Psychopath Saturday was actually on a Sunday, but this is my blog and I do what I want.

These are actual, live, unedited Craigslist posts. They are all from places far away from me. Partially because I was too scared to look at the personal ads for my own area, but mostly because if any of these people read this, I don’t want them to be able to hunt me down.

hnw cassandra sherlock

***

hello – 20

Hey what’s up with it just looking for a good friemd to talk to and hamg out with so if that u and ur.young like me and want to make a new.hang out friend then get at me amd we can go from there anyways you should live close to *** and.be around my age and looking for a new friend to talk to and want to hang out with so if u want to get to know me then text me or email me and we can go from there *** six eight eight seven three 11 thanks hope o hear from u*** Note – I did take out the area code and location here, but if you are curious, click through to the original post.

Yes. YES. Starting off with a strong contender here. The creative spelling, the fact that they used the word “friend” three times, the inclusive of a phone number (!!!). This person is clearly a bold, entrepreneurial genius. He’s a rebel. He learned spelling and grammar (maybe?) and thought to himself No. I shall make my own way in life. The inclusive of a phone number speaks to a dangerous streak. This guy doesn’t play by the rules. He makes the rules.

So, yes, I may be selfish and self-centered, BUT… – 30 
...well, that’s pretty much it. Scratch the but.I’m visiting Craigslist as a convenient venue for meeting cool new people. In my normal social circles it’s the same people with different names, but on Craigslist, you never know what you’ll find.Before you start writing me – and I know you’re already having trouble resisting- understand that probably won’t write you back, partly because I don’t have time to sift through the torrent Craigslist produces and partly because I’ll have stopped caring by the time I get around to reading my mail.That said, you *should* write me because I’d like the option of hanging out if you happen to be cool or exceptionally attractive.Knowing that, you really should focus on writing something I won’t fall asleep reading.You should be open to meeting in person in the near future; if you’re too timid to exchange numbers, this isn’t the ad for you.Email me. Include an embarassing story I can use later.

This guy knows what he’s looking for. Cool people with embarrassing stories. Is that you? Probably not. But maybe. Try emailing him. He’ll write back. Or he won’t. He cares. Ish.

You know what women go crazy for? A man who plays hard to get. Someone who reminds them of their super cool high school boyfriend who, like, was so above caring, y’know? This person is cool and he knows it. He doesn’t even have to convince you. He already hooked you by the promise that he might write back. Or not. Whatever.

Baby Maker Still Wanted- 63

I am looking for a fertile woman to start a family. I’m 63, well educated, in good physical condition, and I think good looking (that would be for you to decide).You should be loving and family oriented.

I believe children should be raised by both parents, so if you think the father should

not be around, please do not respond. I am in this for the long run.

If interested, put “Family Time” in the subject line to avoid spam, or you will be deleted.

Thanks, and may God bless you.

This guy ain’t afraid to go for the jugular. He wants kids, and what he needs is a working womb. No personality required. Baby maker? That’s the endearment I want to be referred to by my man. He doesn’t even mention marriage. It’s the 21st century.

Marriage is so passé.

What do you think, internet? If you had to pick from one of these fine gentlemen which one would you go for?

5 comments

  1. positivagirl

    The last one probably can’t have kids and is desperate to get laid. and as for…. ‘if you think the father should not be around please do not respond’ bwaha… he is 63, at his age, he would prob be 67 before he had a child…. I would say he is wildly optimistic, more a Narcissist… (cos the psychopath would lie about his age)

    Second one, nah… he has no charisma, psycho’s are full of charisma….But he does have the ego and the bullshit of a psycho, definitely a deluded Narcissist.

    First one…. possibly peodo…. so maybe…. or ….. just a kid 🙂

    Damn, I take this subject too seriously right 🙂

  2. Pingback: Psychopath spring cleaning – part one. | her name was cassandra
  3. Pingback: 3 dating sites I would use if I was a Psychopath. | her name was cassandra
  4. Pingback: 3 More Craigslist ads I’d reply to if I was a Psychopath. | her name was cassandra

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