I was on one of the best sites in the world today (regretsy.com, where DIY meets WTF) and I found some lovely pieces I would absolutely decorate my home with if I was, say, a serial killer.
For those of you who live under a rock, Etsy is an online store of store, similar to Ebay in that you can sell things to other people online, but geared towards people who make stuff. Lots of hand crocheted pieces and jewelry makers and whatnot.
Some of the people on Etsy, however, are… a little odd (Case in point – this woman who sells buttless dresses – NFSW, but hilarious). Regretsy finds all the weird stuff on Etsy and makes fun of it. Oh internet. I love thee so.
I found all of these items in the Dead Things section of Regretsy, so if you are hankering to own any of this, you can find it there. I’m not going to link you directly to any of these Etsy accounts because if you find that you want to buy any of this, you really need the extra time to reevaluate all of your life decisions up to this point.
Also I’m lazy.
This is a squirrel riding a rattlesnake. Look at his tiny wittle cowboy hat. Awwwww.
I feel like terrible taxidermy is a must-have for any up-and-coming psychopath. It reminds us of the fragility of life. It’s also an excellent conversation starter. Namely, “did you stop taking your pills again?”
Please take a moment to read the description from the artist, if you have any doubts about this actually being a sculpture of a dead whale instead of a glass table. Perfect for the more risqué beach houses and for anyone willing to completely traumatize any guests that could ever be coerced into visiting. If you ever want your book club to be convinced you’re laced their coffee with cyanide, absolutely serve them refreshments while sitting around this table.
There are many, many excellent Jesus paintings on the interwebs, but this one is pure genius. Whitney Houston looks like she just rolled in a pile of puppies for an entire day. This is the look of someone who just ate a piece of cake laced with LSD. Look how gently Jesus is cupping her face with his mitten hands, as he gazes at her passionately. Are they about to make out, or did Whitney just ask Jesus if he could see if there was something in her eye? Are they both tripping? What is happening here?
SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS.